


Slutsky & Friends

by hope_to_last



Series: Call of Enoby 'verse [2]
Category: My Immortal, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:03:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope_to_last/pseuds/hope_to_last
Summary: Private Slutsky is keeping strange companies, Degytarev is worried. / Set in the Call of Enoby verse, so it's utter crack and not to be taken seriously, but loads of fun.





	Slutsky & Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I'm backing up here everything from my writing blog(s), just in case tumblr pulls the plug on us all.
> 
> There was a pic floating around of an NPC named "Semen Connoisseur", @grogulec hinted that he would fit well in the Call of Enoby verse, and I immediately thought: I gotta write this! XDD

Major Degtyarev, better known as  _Bloodsucker_  lately, had a secret he was keeping from his friends Strelok and Scar. He knew they had their reasons to dislike military preps, but he regularly met up with Private Slutsky when Stelok and Scare were busy doing-u-know-what.

Anyway, it saddened him when he found Slutsky in the company of another guy. He was tall, wearing a baklava that covered part of his face (basically like bnadits in da game) and a long tan trench coat but it was obvious he wasn’t a stalker. It was… …  one of Slutan’s men!

“Slutsky! What are u doing with this idiot?” He asked worriedly for his friend’s safety.

“EXCUSE ME!” said the bandit. “I’m nut a idiot, I’m a Semen Connoisseur.”

“He’s my friend ok? We’re starting a club.” Slutsky said concertedly.

“A club? what for?” Degtyrev was intrigued about what could unit a bnadit and a soldier.

“If ur friend Stelrok can has his stupid goffik posse, we’re gunna be the Thirsty Whores club.”

“Is it because of the jokes you get for being named Private Slutsky (Experienced)?” Digityarev asked curiously.

“Yeah,” said Slutsky in a sexah way. “But they’re right.” he giggled.

“And your first choice was him?” Deg-Degtyarev said hurt, pointing at the bandit. He had a good idea abut how he got his name, but he was jealous.

“You’re running with Selok’s gang, I thought you didn’t lik me anymore.” Slutsky cried. “Besides, you changed your nickname.”

“What was your name?” Semen Connoisseur asked him.

“I used to be known as Ballsucker, not Bloodsuker,” Degtyarev confessed.

“Why?” Semen Connoisseur exclaimed.

“Because I love sucking on balls.” he giggled.

Slutsky and Semen exchanged a pleased look and nodded.

“You can join the club too if you want,” Slutsky said wisely. “We’ll meet every Friday night on the Shevchenko.”

Degtyarev accepted, because if his friend insisted 2 keep the company of a bandit, he might as well join to make sure he was safe, yes. And meeting in an abandoned ship sounded cool. It was time to let a new power trio to be born: Slutsky, Ballsucker and Semen Connoisseur.

**Author's Note:**

> this all was brought to you by: on Call of Enoby I almost named Degtyarev Ballsucker but I didn't have the guts to commit to it :'D   
> Those three names sound like a bad porno parody and I want to die, it's so fucking wrong lmao. Writing CoE style is frighteningly easy now, send help.


End file.
